Random Jumble

Boyfriend is coming over today. He came over Friday as well and made me eat pizza >~< He says I'm "too skinny" bullshit I'm too fat. Oh well, as long as he loves me. Well, went to the college tour yesterday. The lady there said I had a high chance of being accepted!^_^ Hope so! *fingers crossed*  It'll be easier to fast and diet there with no mom or boyfriend standing over my shoulder telling me to eat. I will miss them though): But, the pros out weigh the cons of this situation.

Still have no scale, so no idea as to how much I weigh ;-;

College Trips and Fat Hips

So, this Saturday (April 13th) I shall be attending a College "Open House". My goal is to at least look decent by then, but not completely starve myself because I really don't want to pass out or have my stomach grumble during it >~< Yes, I'm only 16. Yes, I'll only be in 11th grade next year. But I got a letter from this college asking me if I would like to be a part of their Dual Enrollment Program. Um, of course I would! That would put me two years ahead of most people my age! I will not fuck this up with fatness or starvation.

Day1

Day 1 of the ABC Diet:
Mom made me eat spaghetti for dinner~ not sure of the calorie content?
Sunchips-Harvest cheddar~ 140 cals.

I'm fairly certain I stayed under? Hoping. I'll have a better day tomorrow(:
Stay strong :*

ABC Diet

Hello lovelys! Sorry I haven't been blogging, I've been on vacation with no internet >~< And needless to say, I'm a fat failure. I spent the whole week eating v.v So, on Monday, I'm starting to ABC diet. I've done it before, and ended up losing ten pounds even though I slipped up a few days. I'm hoping for even more weightloss if I stay on track? I weighed myself today. (please keep in mind I weighed fully clothed on our broken scale that gives you an estimated weight and I could be anywhere in a 10lbs range) I was 140. Back to my highest freaking weight. I have to fix this! and I shall. Tomorrow I am fasting. Then Monday I am starting the diet. Does anybody want to do it with me? It's easier with friends lol.

Ugh, Failure.

uggggggghhhhhhhhhhhh. why why why why whhhhy do I have to be such a fat failure? I keep binging! I'm going to the keys in less then a week and I haven't lost any weight!!!! I'll look like a whale in shorts and of course mom is going to make me wear them. So now not only will I have ugly scarred legs, I'll have ugly FAT scarred legs >~< fuck this. I'm done with eating. Just done. I hope I freaking die -.-

HereIsToABetterMe

So, tomorrow (March 20th) is my Birthday :) I'll be 16 ^.^ I won't be able to get away with fasting tomorrow, and today I failed miserably. So, starting Thursday, I will eat nothing but vegetables or fruits until we go to the Keys. No more "well one _____ won't hurt" or "____ isn't so bad." So starting Thursday, unless it is a fruit or vegetable, food will not be touched upon my lips. I refuse to further taint my body with the poisonious, fatty, calories. Year 16 starts a new, better, skinnier me <3

2 Weeks

So, I have approximately 2weeks until I go to the keys for spring break with my family. :/ This week shall be spent eating only fruits and vegetables gradually eating less and less until next week when I switc to fast mode :) I want to look half way decent when I go to the keys >~< My fat legs in shorts? No way!! Muffin Top in a bikini? Shoot me -.- I'll Post my stats Friday (not tomorrow but the next) and then the friday after that right before I leave. (Imay have to post thursday instead of friday though because I think I'm going to my dads next week and he doesnt have a scale..or internet) Wish me luck? :)

Hipbones Thinspo

Just a bit of Thinspo for those who are unsure as to whether or not to eat that fatty junk.

Gone to Waste.

So, I was doing so well on my Liquid Diet. Notice I said was? Yeah, my boyfriend was over at my house yesterday and my mother took the opportunity to make and watch my eat. 2 and a half days gone to waste in form of a soy chik'n patty ( I'm vegetarian so no real meat) lettuce and cheese on a sesame seed bun with fries v.v Oh well at least now my boyfriend thinks i'm "over my phobia of food and calories and weight gain" that's a plus right? I don't know. Restarting the Liquid diet though. I don't have school tomorrow so fasting both today and tomorrow should be easy. I'm aiming for this to last until Monday. Three days without eating as punishment for allowing myself to eat yesterday. Seems fair. Thank god for zero calorie monster, water, tea, and gum <3

Liquid Diet

Tomorrow (3-06-13) I start my Liquid Diet :)
This diet will hopefully last tomorrow and Thursday. (I figure that's the longest I can get away with it before my mom notices)
Then on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday it will be easy to avoid eating because my family usually doesn't eat dinner together on those days.
My liquid diet will consist of water, peach tea, and coffee. If I am forced to eat, I will be eating vegetables or fruit only.
Friday, Saturday, and Sunday I will more then likely be continuing my liquid diet, the outcome of Wednesday(tomorrow) and Thursday depend entirly on whether or not my mother makes me eat. More then likely at least tomorrow I will be able to get away with "my stomach hurts" or "I'm not hungry" and then on Thursday I will think of another excuse.
My boyfriend is coming over to my house on Saturday, so that takes out a big chunk of my day where my brain will not be thinking of food. Sunday, of course, will be where the problem arises :(
Oh well, I'm sure I can do this :)

(yes, I know, this post is quite repetative. I'm sorry) :(

Rant

Okay so as the title suggests, this is a rant. Warning: cussing, trigger, blah blah blah.

First Rant: Fake Anorexics.
I am so fucking tired of all these fake anorexics. "I love ana" "Ana is my best friend" "everybody should do this I'm losing weight so fast" "Anorexia isn't a disease it's a lifestyle" Holy fuck get a life! Do these people know nothing? Anorexia is a legit mental disease that can kill you and is almost impossible to fully recover from. These idiots are going around promoting and supporting something they literally know nothing about except that it "makes you skinnier" Yeah you know why you are becoming skinnier? Your body is eating itself. It will eat every ounce of fat until there is nothing left. You think that means your stomach, boobs, butt, thighs, etc. RIght? Well guess what wannarexics. You're wrong. Your brain is made of fat as well. Your body will start to eat parts of your brain as well as the muscles through out the body. You become weak and you lose the abilty to function properly. And all you idiots want to be Anorexic?

Second Rant: "I'm losing weight because Society thinks I'm fat."
Oh get over yourself. You're losing weight because of society? Don't blame your issues on society it's pointless they will never accpet you no matter what just like they don't accept each other. You really think that because you drop a couple pounds suddenly everybody will love you? Ha! No. It doesn't work like that. If you want to lose weight that's great go for it. But lose the weight for you and you alone. Don't lose it for society, the guy/girl across the street, your boy/girl friend, to gain friends, to be "popular", etc. Do it for you. To be happy with yourself. That's all that should matter to you.

Third Rant: Pro Ana
Okay so I will claraify this one. There are two types of "Pro Ana": Supporting and Promoting. Supporting? I have no problem with. I'm Pro Ana in the sense that I will support those that are Anorexic. If we don't support each other then who will? Promoting? That is where the problem starts. Why would you promote a mental disease? What is the point?! Do you want these guys/girls to die? To starve? To be mentally fucked up for the rest of their lives? I hate when I see people telling other people to starve themselves because that's the "best way to lose weight" Uh, no it isn't. It all comes back plus some as soon as you start eating again. They don't mention that part though do they? No of course not. Promoting Anorexia. Pro Ana. No. Why would you want to be the cause of a serious, sometimes fatal eating disorder?

Fourth and Final Rant: Eating Disorders are for Girls.
Are you stupid? Eating disorders aren't periods or pregnancy. Guys can and some do have Eating Disorders as well. It's just as serious! Probably more so since they are less likely to tell someone or seek help for fear of appearing "weak". I don't know how people don't understand this? I've known a couple guys with severe eating disorders. One of them almost died twice because of it. Yet, eating disorders are only for girls? Bullshit. Ignorance is the downfall of many people..

Okay sorry about that :/ My rant is now over.

Sunday Binge Avoidance

So, It's Sunday v.v (at least where I am it is) My least favorite day of the week because:
1. It's monday tomorrow and Monday means school.
and 2. It's my biggest Binge day.
I'm not entirely sure why the latter is true. All I know is that I usually gain anything I lost during the week back on Sunday. Well not today. :) I'm sure some of you have this problem as well? Or maybe it's anohter day in the week. Either way, here are some tips and tricks to not only keep all your hard work from going to waste, but to keep you from over eating and therefore causing immense stomach pain...

Tips and Tricks
~Avoid to Kitchen! (seems easy enough right?)
~If you do happen to have to enter the kithcen area for what ever reason, pour yourself a glass of water or juice. (this will distract your mind from food and fill you up a bit.)
~Do not say "just one bite. it won't hurt." because yes, yes it will hurt. I can never stop at just one bite and I end up eating everything.
~"But what about dinner? I can't avoid that." Complain of your stomach hurting through out the day. Tell your parents you ate a big lunch. Take a shower during dinner time. Pretend to eat. Hide food in your napkin. etc. See? Plenty of ways.
~You will get very "hungry" if you're bored. You're not really hungry you're just bored. Do something. Keep your mind occupied. :)
~Exercise. Seems like it should make you more hungry right? Wrong. (in my case at least) Exercise for an hour and you'll feel great and you won't be thinking about food.
~Look at Thinspo seems awful looking at all those pictures of gorgeous, thin girls right? Well just imagine you looking like that. Not so hungry now are you?
~If by any chance you are actually forced to eat, eat fruits or vegetables. A "binge" on that is not bad. It's healthy and very very low cal and low fat. Water, Veggies, and Fruit.

Hope you found this helpful? Stay strong and Don't give up. <3

Weekend Fast

So, I'm going to my boyfriends house tomorrow. I get to meet his mom. Joy. :/ Soooooooo worried. Anywhore, he knows about my..not normal.. eating habits. So I had to eat dinner tonight and then will most likely eat something small right before I go so that I
1. will not feel faint
2. won't be grumpy from lack of food
and 3. my stomach won't growl and he won't force me to eat.
Then, on Sunday, I'll start my two day (Sunday and Monday) fast. :) To make up for totally pigging out today and maybe tomorrow :/ I always find that Sunday it's hard to control my eating and I always binge. This Sunday? I think not :) I have "homework" to do that requires I stay in my room and away from the kitchen all day. Hopefully that will keep me from pigging out like i always do -.- Only water, gum, and Peach Tea for me Sunday and Monday! I will get my weight under control no matter what.

Ultimate Thinspo <3

So it may be a few days inbetween posts because I do not have internet access at my house and school wifi does not allow for access to blogging sites (plus i really don't want them or anyone finding out about this) so, sorry for the spaces between posts.

I've started exercising on a regular basis and have cut out all after school snacks :) i only eat dinner now (except tonight I had ice cream after :/ ) but yeah, i feel better actually, sadly though, it's Friday tomorrow. I usually don't have a problem with binging on Friday or Saturday, only Sunday. I always go on a huge binge. Anybody have any tips on how to stop that? :/  I'll weigh myself tomorrow (I do every Friday) and hopefully be able to post my current weight. I think i may have gained with all this binging v.v oh well, just incentive to do better next week right?

Vaca. in April

So, I'm going to the Keys in April. The first week in April to be exact. I need to lose about 15-20 lbs before then! 127lbs at 5'3 in a bikini? ew. I think not. I've been walking on the treadmill for 30 minutes each day, at least 20 situps, and 20 side leg lift things each leg (i don't remember exactly what they are called) and trying to restrict my calorie intake. Sadly, I've been binging like crazy lately :( It's so disgustiung and keeps me in constint pain so i don't know why I continue to binge? Maybe it's psychoclogical. Who knows. All I know is I have to get this under control so I can look at least half way decent in shorts and a tank top v.v

Weekends

So I'm at my Grandparents house(completely different state then where I live) and I'm going to go to my dad's house. Well, on the plus side, neither house ever has any snack type junk food. The down side though? I'm forced to eat three full square meals a day. Those meals aren't always healthy and my stomach is not used to so much food much less unhealthy food! I always end up gaining SO much weight. Today I've already eaten a bowl of cereal and a cookie! (the time this blog will say it posted is wrong the time is messed up on here and I'm not sure how to fix it) it's 11:19 AM as i typed it. WHen i post oit may be a bit later but whatever. Anywho, I ate the cheerios and cookie and went to my Opa's (grandfather) garage to work it off. He used to have a treadmill, and elliptical, etc. It's all gone! I'm so screwed. Maybe I can convince my dad to go on a walk with me? Big city so he wont let me go on my own. :/

Hello, for starters I'd like to say welcome to my blog. :) I'm just an average, fat teenage girl looking to be skinny. Total cliche right? Well yeah. That's me. My posts may be triggering. They may deal with anorexia, ednos, depression, etc. It's just my life and this is an outline. I'll post progress failures etc.

I'm 15.
5'3
sw- 140lbs
cw- 127lbs
gw1- 130lbs
gw2- 120lbs
gw3- 100lbs