Ugh, Failure.

uggggggghhhhhhhhhhhh. why why why why whhhhy do I have to be such a fat failure? I keep binging! I'm going to the keys in less then a week and I haven't lost any weight!!!! I'll look like a whale in shorts and of course mom is going to make me wear them. So now not only will I have ugly scarred legs, I'll have ugly FAT scarred legs >~< fuck this. I'm done with eating. Just done. I hope I freaking die -.-

HereIsToABetterMe

So, tomorrow (March 20th) is my Birthday :) I'll be 16 ^.^ I won't be able to get away with fasting tomorrow, and today I failed miserably. So, starting Thursday, I will eat nothing but vegetables or fruits until we go to the Keys. No more "well one _____ won't hurt" or "____ isn't so bad." So starting Thursday, unless it is a fruit or vegetable, food will not be touched upon my lips. I refuse to further taint my body with the poisonious, fatty, calories. Year 16 starts a new, better, skinnier me <3

Sunday Binge Avoidance

So, It's Sunday v.v (at least where I am it is) My least favorite day of the week because:
1. It's monday tomorrow and Monday means school.
and 2. It's my biggest Binge day.
I'm not entirely sure why the latter is true. All I know is that I usually gain anything I lost during the week back on Sunday. Well not today. :) I'm sure some of you have this problem as well? Or maybe it's anohter day in the week. Either way, here are some tips and tricks to not only keep all your hard work from going to waste, but to keep you from over eating and therefore causing immense stomach pain...

Tips and Tricks
~Avoid to Kitchen! (seems easy enough right?)
~If you do happen to have to enter the kithcen area for what ever reason, pour yourself a glass of water or juice. (this will distract your mind from food and fill you up a bit.)
~Do not say "just one bite. it won't hurt." because yes, yes it will hurt. I can never stop at just one bite and I end up eating everything.
~"But what about dinner? I can't avoid that." Complain of your stomach hurting through out the day. Tell your parents you ate a big lunch. Take a shower during dinner time. Pretend to eat. Hide food in your napkin. etc. See? Plenty of ways.
~You will get very "hungry" if you're bored. You're not really hungry you're just bored. Do something. Keep your mind occupied. :)
~Exercise. Seems like it should make you more hungry right? Wrong. (in my case at least) Exercise for an hour and you'll feel great and you won't be thinking about food.
~Look at Thinspo seems awful looking at all those pictures of gorgeous, thin girls right? Well just imagine you looking like that. Not so hungry now are you?
~If by any chance you are actually forced to eat, eat fruits or vegetables. A "binge" on that is not bad. It's healthy and very very low cal and low fat. Water, Veggies, and Fruit.

Hope you found this helpful? Stay strong and Don't give up. <3

Weekend Fast

So, I'm going to my boyfriends house tomorrow. I get to meet his mom. Joy. :/ Soooooooo worried. Anywhore, he knows about my..not normal.. eating habits. So I had to eat dinner tonight and then will most likely eat something small right before I go so that I
1. will not feel faint
2. won't be grumpy from lack of food
and 3. my stomach won't growl and he won't force me to eat.
Then, on Sunday, I'll start my two day (Sunday and Monday) fast. :) To make up for totally pigging out today and maybe tomorrow :/ I always find that Sunday it's hard to control my eating and I always binge. This Sunday? I think not :) I have "homework" to do that requires I stay in my room and away from the kitchen all day. Hopefully that will keep me from pigging out like i always do -.- Only water, gum, and Peach Tea for me Sunday and Monday! I will get my weight under control no matter what.

So it may be a few days inbetween posts because I do not have internet access at my house and school wifi does not allow for access to blogging sites (plus i really don't want them or anyone finding out about this) so, sorry for the spaces between posts.

I've started exercising on a regular basis and have cut out all after school snacks :) i only eat dinner now (except tonight I had ice cream after :/ ) but yeah, i feel better actually, sadly though, it's Friday tomorrow. I usually don't have a problem with binging on Friday or Saturday, only Sunday. I always go on a huge binge. Anybody have any tips on how to stop that? :/  I'll weigh myself tomorrow (I do every Friday) and hopefully be able to post my current weight. I think i may have gained with all this binging v.v oh well, just incentive to do better next week right?